The Need For Heart-Centered Exclusion

If you’ve witnessed healthy culture, amongst any group (in person or online), you’ve seen first hand the benefits.

Creativity, collaboration, resilience… all become more available.

Generosity, kindness, and the capacity to tap into something great… it’s awesome.

Of course, if you are using the xchange approach, you know why it’s happening.

Because, people feel psychologically safe, they feel they belong, and now they have access to the parts of their brains and beings that are needed most.


But let’s not forget… especially if you run a business centered around group work – trainings, events, peer to peer memberships, mastermind groups, workshops, etc. – the culture of a gathering starts way before the gathering.

It starts with the invitation.

The very first touch points.

That’s why, when we run our trainings, paid or free, you’ll see a Participation Agreement that we ask folks to acknowledge. Before they show up.

You may have even seen me, during our public workshops, where we introduce xchange to new folks, how I re-establish this agreement, at the start of the workshop.

Let’s be clear – it’s not a set of ground rules.

It’s not a coercive, commanding and controlling requirement.

It’s an invitation. And there’s freedom of choice for participants.

If they aren’t down to be fully present, I encourage them to come back if or when they can.

Yes, you are reading that right. I uninvite people from our workshops.

One reason why, is because the centerpiece of our approach, is the inclusion and invitation of every voice to contribute to a conversation.

And if folks aren’t prepared to be fully present, it undermines an experience that is designed to engage, invite and honor collective wisdom, intelligence and contribution.

So, here’s the deeper, possibly confronting lesson: you can’t be inclusive, without being exclusive.

A culture that is meant for everybody, will serve nobody.

Yes, words like “exclusion” can bring up deep wounds for some of us.

But this is a form of exclusion that is necessary.

When done right, it’s even received with love.

Who is this (meeting / group / gathering) for? Who is it not for?

What up front agreements do we need, so that the right people are honored?

And how do we give agency for participants to discover or decide if they are the right fit, ready to engage, or not?

Stay Curious,


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